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What are the weirdest things flight attendants have seen in their line of duty? And did it cause a flight delay?

Wednesday, November 30, 2016 has been trolling the pages of Quora in search of the strangest things that happen when we take flight. And which of those strange, strange things caused a flight delay. 
Although a great source of information and inspiration, I am unable to verify all of the stories I have come across. Nonetheless, some of the things I came across should be food for thought and the stem of a good belly laugh. Well, hopefully.
The question in question was, What are the weirdest things flight attendants have seen in their line of duty?
The good people of Quora with expertise in the field flooded the message board with answers and here are some of the highlights.

Is that a crack pipe?

One former air steward flying from Texas claimed to have witnessed a passenger tooting on a crack pipe on the back row of the plane.

Thank you for flying bankrupt.

Recanting a tale from yesteryear, one passenger's story of a witty Captain got my attention with the following quote:
"We know you had the choice of flying on many bankrupt airlines today, but we thank you for choosing 'X Airlines', the number one bankrupt airline in on-time arrivals."
The Quora reader stated that they had forgotten which airline they were flying with, this could be true but it could also be to spare the blushes of the airline. Very decent if that is the case.

Can crew prepare for landing… and then immediately takeoff?

This one may qualify as one of the scariest things ever witnessed on an aircraft. Passengers on this particular flight were in for a bumpy landing when the pilot failed to correctly align the aircraft for landing. The plane landed before immediately taking off once more.
"Sorry, folks, I was tired and I had not aligned the plane properly so I had to take off again. We could have fallen into the ocean, so we'll try it again. Don't worry, everything will be fine".

Is that a bird on my plane?

Is that a bird in 4c? Yes, it is, in fact, it is a turkey. In the US you can register an emotional support animal if you can prove you have the need for it. One particular passenger was accompanied by a turkey. The turkey in question was even taken to its gate by wheelchair.
There is an endless amount of stories on Quora and therefore I will provide a weekly update with flight-related stories.
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